Whether your first time comes with your first relationship or not, this is the obligatory crossing point to start your sex life. According to us (well... me and the other young people with whom I have been able to speak), there is a form of aura around the first time , received ideas that it would happen "normally" in bed, with his first boyfriend or his first girlfriend. This stage would be almost sacred as being the moment when an individual discovers his sexuality starting with foreplay with the hands, the mouth then the penetration and ending with an ejaculation. Yet what I have noticed in speaking with my community is that regardless of orientation or gender, there are not one, but two broad categories of people.
On the one hand, there are people for whom the first time is a real act of love that must be reserved for THE RIGHT PERSON , a bit like the ideal that we would have. But on the other hand, there are people for whom it is a kind of banality , formality or even a worthless draft to scribble down to make sure you are ready when the first person with whom we will really want to make love will come.
No matter where you are in this, the main thing (and we can't say this enough) is that you feel good . From that moment on, it's up to you to “consume” your first time as you see fit: with your first love, with a one-night stand, in bed or in a car, day or night. The reality behind these shots is that the first time is rarely amazing. Without necessarily keeping a bad memory, the first act is rarely a feat. And that's okay! When you start a new sport, you are hardly the best from your first lesson, right? The unknown plays a large part in this mediocre performance, but other reasons are added to this: stress, ignorance, pollution by pornography and so on...
I have this impression that society gives us an image of sexuality that is consistent while each relationship is unique . It is, in our opinion, this conformity that puts a form of pressure on the first time: everyone has the desire to be “efficient”.
I was also able to notice that the first time was not always, if not rarely, a total discovery of sexuality . The teenagers around me often started by masturbating. Although this practice is a little rarer among girls, the discovery of pleasure does not happen all at once. It is also a positive practice , because it allows you to know your own body better and to discover what you like. And so to be able to communicate it directly to your partner .
Before talking about anything else, there is a point on which I would like us to reflect together on the idea that there is a first time. What does the first time mean to you? The first time you find yourself naked in front of a person with whom you want to make love? The first intimate caress? The first penetration? In the minds of many people, first time comes down to penetration . However, there are a thousand and one ways to make love, reducing it to a single act wouldn't that be a bit simplistic?
This perspective is very much in line with the various testimonies that I have been able to collect from my friends in their twenties. The idea of a sacred and conventional first time is much questioned since younger generations care much more about feminist aspirations . The idea of an overly phallo-centered relationship appeals less and less.