The arrival of a child is an unprecedented upheaval in the life of the couple . Habits, desires to make love suffer, run out of steam and sometimes disappear. It's a new life that settles in the house and it will be necessary for the lovers who have become parents very quickly to adapt to it without submitting to it. The couple being by nature a small mountain of reciprocal concessions to be climbed in order to descend it better, the time has come to find intelligent compromises of life and love ... And it is communication in the couple that must take precedence and not black on white writings that would end up making columns of uncertain numbers, useless words and probably the establishment of a calendar or agenda of all the dangers with what is possible and what is not.
Priority will therefore be given to the spontaneity , goodwill , common sense and intelligence of two lovers who have become parents. Above all, do not fall in love without sex out of convenience or indifference. Of course a couple can perfectly exist without sexuality after the birth of their first child, but it is a delusion on their part to believe that everything is magically resolved. The error can have serious consequences of all kinds in the short or medium term. It's not very happy indeed to see two beings love each other without taking the time to play at making love and all that because the baby has suddenly taken up all the space.
What sexual relationship is possible after childbirth?
Many doctors recommend abstinence from sexual intercourse for at least 6 weeks, the time needed for the cervix to close satisfactorily. It will therefore be dead calm for lovers on the sex side for several months, which will have the advantage of greatly limiting the risk of infection of the mother's internal mucosa . In terms of resumption of sexuality, it is much more reassuring and comforting that it is the wisdom of the mother who settles difficult worries in intimacy. It is up to the mother to respond to this delicate problem of gradual and intelligent resumption of sexual relations in the couple. The woman remains master aboard the boat of love and she will know when the time comes to manifest herself in the most beautiful way when her desire to make love again comes to the fore.
To all the moms: give yourself back the desire to want . You have some very nice cards in your hands and the game is really worth the effort. At the end of this somewhat complicated period, it is true, the happiness of being young parents while remaining lifelong lovers. The references of women at the top of their art of loving while being mothers are multiple, of incredible diversity and of exceptional quality: in the world of high-level sport as well as in the world of culture, in the world of health as in the world of business, in everyday life whether urban or rural, we can easily meet women who deserve our respect and who are our pride. So, yes, the postpartum is something quite different from what the dictionary medicine wants to give. A very simple period of pregnancy that would start with the exit of the placenta until the return of diapers? Oh no, it's much more, it's an impressive upheaval in the life of the woman and this physical, emotional and moral upheaval, it is alone with herself that the young mother lives it intensely at the birth of her child.
“We need to help women live their pregnancy and their sexuality ,
we must help men to live their status as fathers and lovers. »
(M.Ganem)
All is not rosy far from it in the postpartum since depression (which we call baby blues ) still too often awaits the young mother who is isolated or helpless in the face of her loss of bearings and identity. A hormonal change takes place in parallel with the psychological upheaval associated with birth. Indeed, in the postpartum period, the level of hormones in women drops inexorably and in large proportions. If the woman is breastfeeding, prolactin inhibits the production of ovarian hormones and the libido is then no longer stimulated. Vaginal dryness can set in over time, making romantic relationships uncomfortable and in the same period of time, the mother's body produces oxytocin which strengthens the mother's attachment to her child and a significant distance can settle in the parental couple.
During this period, the woman must learn to re-appropriate her body both physically (post-pregnancy pounds, rehabilitation of the perineum, cesarean section scar, hemorrhoids, etc.) and psychologically in order to engage in a new dialogue with her partner. Without showing it too much and frankly without saying it, the body and the heart of the woman humbly ask for a little more respect and understanding . It is up to you, partner of the beloved, to anticipate , guess and accept to see the rhythm of life together slow down and calm down . It is up to you, the beloved of your partner, not to disappoint him, not to take refuge with the baby in an indifference that cannot be comfortable. It's up to you to rebuild a constructive plan of a happiness that is receding... The rest is just literature!
