CHILD SEXUALITY EXPLAINED TO PARENTS
Our suspicious adult gaze has too long led people to believe that the libido, sex, the pleasure of the senses was something impossible before sexual majority. And yet the sexuality of the human being is built very early from the first months of his life and it is this which will allow the child, step by step, to patiently structure his own personality . So, you, the parents always on the alert, it is likely that you may have to review your strategy as head educators in the always somewhat complicated relationships between adults on one side and children and adolescents. the other.
From the first months of his birth, your newborn will start his young life without warning to better discover the world you have given him. From successive phases to phases that belong only to him, your child will build and structure himself in secret , and without you noticing it, his future sexuality as a teenager and then as a young adult . For both of you, parents or for you, a lone parent, contact with your baby and the silent exchange will be of paramount importance: contact with the skin through caresses and hugs, or simply by giving the breast . It's up to you to let it discover itself and without constraints.
Suspect this fiddling with sex when you give him his bath and which brings him his first erections? Nothing incongruous however, that's life. It's neither dirty nor bad, it's useless to make him feel guilty or to slow him down in his exploration . A few explanations are enough to indicate to him the rules of good conduct concerning the discovery of his intimacy . The toddler has grown up and it's a great time for the child he has become. No need for you parents to put up new barriers. The thumb is far away and the body changes, it's a bit like the golden age of childhood where the boys are surprised to have a different penis from that of their friends and where the girls begin to see little pointing little by little their breasts.
Childhood always has an end and it deserves to be as happy as possible before entering the wild dance of adolescence. The zizi and the kitty of kindergarten time are distant memories and there is no longer any question of procrastinating. Codes of conduct are no longer enough and the real things of sex must be said gently and with respect .
PREPARING FOR YOUR CHILD'S SEX EDUCATION
- Dare to talk about sexuality or affectivity with your child. It is important for his personal development.
- Listen to his questions as he develops, give him age-appropriate information .
- Make them aware of the risks of sexual assault and the forms of sexual abuse . Prevention is better than cure.
- Inform him about the importance of contraception , and discuss disease prevention together (STDs, AIDS).
- Explain to HIM the concepts of sexual consent . A NO is a NO.
- Teach him rules of caution (transmission of naked photos, distribution of images without the knowledge, sharing of personal details, use of social networks)
- If exposure to pornography is difficult to avoid, remain vigilant in the face of new digital practices and give it a framework.
HOW TO ADDRESS SEXUALITY WITH YOUR CHILD?
Real conversations and no pretense, these are what awaits parents one day or another when faced with their children in search of information on sex. In the event of failure on your part or absence in communication, it is no longer the playground or the school sex education classes but the dark corridors of the college that will take over as the privileged places of info. If you don't feel comfortable with these questions, why not provide the answers through a book left carelessly in the toilet? We recommend The guide to the sexual penis written by Hélène Bruller and illustrated by Zep the designer of Titeuf. You can also find Julia Pietri's Little Guide to Sexual Foufoune in bookstores, which addresses many questions about intimacy, nudity, self-esteem or puberty . These books intended for the youngest answer with simple words all the questions children have about the discovery of love and sex .
At this age, the imagination of the almost adolescent child, without being overflowing, is not idle and it is sufficiently developed for you to kindly put in words and explanations that are not too restrictive . The little sister's diaper change, the kiss exchanged on the corner of the lips by mum and dad, the arrival of a newborn, divorce or marriage can be occasions to simply approach sexuality and affectivity with your child . Your choice of saying, your way of saying it will be all the more judicious if you have given him the answers he was hoping for . So be frank, honest and give him answers that are up to the challenge. Listen to their questions and create an atmosphere of trust without judgment .
No need to talk about sexual anatomy to your 15-year-old teenager, the mass is said. The sensational arrival of the Internet in 1983 did not scramble the cards, it completely redistributed them and the assessment today is clear: what the teenager cannot find at home, he will look for it on his pc. The Internet can very quickly become a vehicle of negative or even dangerous information if the close parental guard is not careful. So, you might as well smash this so-called quietly established rule of “not talking about sex at home” right now.
One of two things now: either the information comes from the parents (and this is still far from being the case today) or your teenager manages on his own . Teenagers can easily find information on forums, except on porn sites which pollute the web by conveying without apparent embarrassment and sometimes involuntarily obscene and violent scenes which have no place and which highlight before a lot of disrespect for the female sex and a lot of disguised barbarism. Wake up, you parents who adore your children. Talking to your teens about sex is much different than having to talk about your own . The misunderstanding is huge and tenacious, the family legacy deadly. Teens don't give a shit about how their parents make love, what they just want is the right information that will help them build their future sex life .
SEX EDUCATION, SAFE PLACE BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR CHILD
Pornography seems inevitable for your children but rest assured it is not always bad since it allows on the other hand to open up dialogue and communication. So stay vigilant and prevent your child from viewing violent content. Whether voluntary or not, out of curiosity or for fun, it is even more important now to support your child in their digital uses. For this, check the settings and controls on the platforms, stay calm and honestly discuss why he visited this content. If you want help, the government has developed a web portal "to better protect their children against online pornography", a phenomenon that concerns an alarming proportion of young minors.
- 44% of young people who have already had sexual intercourse say they have tried to reproduce scenes or practices seen in pornographic films or videos. Source : IFOP for the Parenting and Digital Education Observatory published in 2017 .
- On average, it is at the age of 11 that a child watches a pornographic scene for the first time. Source: Based on an Opinion-Way poll.
Today's children or tomorrow's teenagers no longer want to deal with clichés or peremptory speeches that unduly impose sexual standards that come out of nowhere. On the contrary, they are looking for answers to live a totally uninhibited sexuality that ensures them the best connection with the desires and desires of their age.