BDSM: UNDERSTANDING THE PRACTICE AND GETTING STARTED

BDSM, a catch-all term with a scary acronym "Bondage Discipline Domination Sadism and Masochism". These are harsh words that often refer to the image we have of BDSM: madmen in a dungeon beating themselves up, dicked in latex outfits and screaming in the background. We have all seen the movie "Hostel", or more recently at the cinema, in a watered down version of our subject, "50 Shades of Grey".

However, this practice has existed since Antiquity, (we got whipped because we had stolen an apple, but also for fun), an often abstract concept, poorly known to the general public, which brings together sexual practices or an art of living. involving bondage, sado-masochism, domination and submission.

BDSM, DEFINITION

Before throwing yourself on your handcuffs and your whips, I can only strongly advise you to talk about it with your partner beforehand. If BDSM can restore your self-confidence, strengthen your bonds of belonging with your accomplice, bring your fantasies to life in complete serenity, and allow you to let go of what would allow you to get to know yourself better, communication is the key to success .

We find out about the state of health of his/her partner, we define “Safe Words” in advance (a word like “STOP” immediately ends a session regardless of its progress or intensity) or “Safe Gesture” which takes up this same concept but it will suffice to close your fist for the most timid. Because if BDSM seems recreational, it can become very dangerous, with the wrong partner who will carry out psychological pressure: (forced sexual intercourse) or even involuntarily during Shibari sessions (ancestral art of tying a person with bonds), cut off his blood circulation, which in excess could result in the amputation of a limb. Always keep in mind that BDSM is based on a relationship of mutual consent , trust and benevolence. Also to do well, we advise you to find out about various sites such as theduchy.com rich in tutorials, or enrich your vocabulary on dating sites with fetlife . Your partner will place his physical and psychological integrity in your hands and that's a huge responsibility.


What you need to know before you start

It must be understood that everything is interchangeable. A man can be submissive to a domina (dominatrix) or a master, a woman can be submissive to a master or a domina, and that one can both submit and dominate (these are called "switches" ) and that each game can be given or received.

TESTIMONY OF A BDSM MASTER

"MASTER J", 25 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE

"For me, BDSM is more than a list of practices, a true art of living which unfailingly unites an already happy couple , and which wishes to flourish on the condition of responding together to the duties and obligations of each, in the safety and above all benevolence."

HOW TO START AND INITIATE IN THE PRACTICE OF BDSM?

To get started, you can download the “BDSM checklist” . Available on any search engine, this list is to be completed by both parties, will help you to know the different sexual practices (which can also be found in "vanilla" sex or so-called traditional sexuality if you prefer) , apparatus (stick, whip, nipple clamps, flogger, lanyard, cross of Saint-André, chastity cage, etc.) as well as the desire, difficulty or refusal to carry out such and such an experiment. It's done ? Alright, we know what we're talking about now.

How to equip? Which erotic accessories to choose?

To start gently, the YESforLOV "KINKY" BDSM box is ideal for getting started. It contains :

What outfit to wear during a BDSM session?

If your attitude clearly announces your role, your dress style is also an indicator.

  • Gentlemen, are you Master? It's up to you to choose the leather or bare-chested trousers and waistcoat, adorned with accessories (leather cuffs, studded bracelet, harness), and finally a pair of "New Rock" to complete this outfit, a lanyard attached to the belt ( we need to know which side you are on). If you prefer sobriety, a black shirt and trousers with pleats and moccasins will do the job perfectly.
  • Are you submissive? The choice is up to your Master / Mistress (you will still have the last word, remember it's a prior agreement) the collar will be common to all, black or red most often, and enhanced with a ring can thus be attached to a leash . Naked, disguised as a woman, latex or neoprene mask that can represent an animal (often a pig or a dog), anything that can satisfy your divine Mistress/Master.

As for you ladies...

  • In dominated the leather corset , the heels of a dizzying size, the tight red latex dress, fishnet stockings . You are a goddess and your submissive needs to see it. Don't forget your whip.
  • Finally, if you are submissive, the typical underwear: garter belt, corset, gag and of course your collar signifying your belonging to your Master or Mistress. A little crush on the Catanzaro house and its creator Patrice who continues his family history by offering you a line of French and high-end lingerie for women but also for men.

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INTRODUCING YOURSELF TO THE CODES AND CUSTOMS OF THE BDSM WORLD

Discovering the world of BDSM

When you enter a Dungeon, an equipped place, you find yourself in the presence of other people who practice this philosophy of life occasionally or daily. But be careful, they don't necessarily have the same level as you. During sessions made public, one can witness “ ballbusting ” (torture of the male genitalia). Does this shock you? You have every right to do so; we look away and move on. The level of acceptance of pain is just not the same as yours. But in any case, it is forbidden to show your disgust.

Remember that BDSM is practiced by at least two people, and regardless of the relationship established, everyone must play their role . We won't talk about the laundry that was incorrectly hung, or the problems with the photocopier in the office. Your session is dedicated solely to your art and your pleasure , but also in order to help you maintain a psychological distance from everyday life, formality is almost a necessity to maintain your state of mind .

Your attitude is of paramount importance . The dominant keeps his head up and expresses himself clearly and audibly, he is the one who directs the session and he must show creativity to invent games that will please his or her submissive. As for the submissives, they lower their heads, hold their hands together in front or behind their backs and maintain the imposed posture.


A few rules and advice before you start

During a session, it is essential that everyone takes responsibility.

If you dominate

- Use quality equipment : flogger, lanyard, spreader, toothed wheel, whip, and different candles , ropes. Provide in your inventory a pair of scissors to cut the links in the event of an incident.
- Regularly check the physical and psychological state of the partner, offer a wide choice of practices in order to enrich the session and allow the submissive time to rest on the stimulated parts. I also add that if the person who receives can be exhausted, the physical form of the dominant will not be less solicited, a playlist that both of you like can be a pledge of stimulation.

If you submit

- Let yourself be guided by the authority of your Master, keeping in mind that you have control over the acts administered to you .

- Finally, if your session goes well, your partner may enter a trance more commonly known as " Subspace ", a masochistic ecstasy. In this specific case, it is important to reassure, congratulate, and respect the time it takes to get out of this state . If this is the case, it is very likely that your session will end like this.

As wild as it seems, BDSM is above all an exchange between two consenting and caring adults, eager to perfect the catalog of their emotions, while allowing them to strengthen their bonds and unite them forever. A question still remains, knowing that the master is ultimately only the instrument of desire dictated by the submissive, we are entitled to ask ourselves the following question. Who is really the Master and who is the submissive?