ENJOYMENT AND SEXUAL ANGUISH: SAY STOP TO HINDRANCES TO ORGASM

It is clear that the encounter with orgasm is sometimes more complicated than it seems! See extremely rare or non-existent for some. The person to incriminate? Neither you nor him, rather the anxiety that sticks to our skin, the worst enemy of our sexuality that we would like to be happy, accomplice, always at the top and above all not in decline. Sex is meant to be a moment of relaxation and pleasure, far from the pangs of doubt, the cult of performance and sexual anxieties. Overhanging, the stress of everyday life, the stubbornness for orgasm, monotony, the lack of letting go... All these obstacles to pleasure spoil their beautiful bond within the couple, however solid it may be. she asserts herself. Up in the head as below.

Pleasure cannot be reduced to an orgasm which itself should not be systematic, let it be said loud and clear. Heat strokes like cold sweats under the duvet or elsewhere are the conductors of our love life. In the love of football as in the love of sex, the victory of a strong moment, of a day or a night is exquisite because it is very far from the egos of each of the actors. So what does the defeat, clumsiness or temporary failure that comes from time to time upset our chilled lovers matter? Love is not a racetrack.

THE CULTURE OF PERFORMING SEX

Since the 1980s, the cult of performance has insidiously invaded the most intimate spheres of our daily lives. However, it is a gross error to want, both on the male and female side, to present oneself at all costs “good in all respects” or “always on top”. It is this cult of performance that creates its own rules and imposes them on us; the men attribute themselves to a rather offbeat posture and give themselves a rather distressing stature of dominant male, while the women attribute to themselves the disproportionate ambition of becoming the exceptional lover. Wanting to be on top everywhere is sure to fail.

We therefore live a priori in the dictatorship of the injunction and the search for performance, to be happy only in victory, to pretend like in liar poker with the formal prohibition of failing, of having doubts, of to make a mistake, to do wrong? Rest assured, you have the right to speak and to as many tries as you wish. Playing at making love with another is not technical, it is above all sincerity, desire and spontaneity . Sex and love remain an exceptional alchemy that keeps all its mystery and that is the best news in a world that too often turns its head upside down.

Say "No" to sexual performance for a "Yes" to the harmonious connection of bodies . Sexual performance is automatically to be excluded from the debate. The search for pleasure and orgasm is perfectly natural and human and it is your legitimate right to want to give and to love to receive. The desire to perform and get off is an extraordinarily beautiful feeling in all its diversity: men and women are stage beasts when they are on the theater stage and they are just as much so when they want to make love. There is no need, however, to point the finger at each of their performances, good or bad, to demonize their craziest desires and their most varied libidos, which are strictly intimate.

A single joyful certainty for all: there is not just one and the same pleasure. Through the clitoris, the labia, the strategic G-Spot, through the breasts or the anus, the crown of the penis or the prostate, orgasm is combined with a multitude of genres even if the palm of shared pleasure goes hands down to clitoris: all the ingredients are there to transform the feelings of the heart and the body into pleasurable happiness. YESforLOV erotic products are at your fingertips and our sexologist Myriam is at your service.

SEX BLUES, DYSPAREUNIA AND LIBIDO AT HALF?

Regular or irregular declines in libido, more or less frequent depending on the individual and which disturb the good harmony of sexuality are perfectly repairable as long as we take care of them. Sooner or later, the routine settles in the couple and the libido takes a big hit. Our wise advice: Stay attentive and continue to maintain an eroticism for each other in the complicity and reciprocity of desires.

The decrease in sexual desire can also be explained by sexual pain . The woman is often the first victim of intimate discomfort. For some women, the pain during penetration can be unbearable, but often they keep quiet when they should say it loud and clear. A great danger then floats, poisoning the atmosphere and the inner feeling; In the long term, the phobia of withdrawal or even refusal towards anything that will be “sex” will impact your relationship.

When intimate discomfort or dyspareunia sets in, it often requires a combination of physical and psychotherapeutic treatments. It is therefore essential and recommended to use a quality intimate lubricating gel to bring comfort and soothe the sensations of intimate heating . Dyspareunia can prevent women from enjoying and taking pleasure. For fear of feeling pain, the woman will contract her vaginal muscles. This apprehension of pain can extinguish all desire and reduce the level of arousal to ashes. From the relational point of view, if the woman with dyspareunia does not dare to talk about it to her partner, she will often try to avoid intimate relations, which will inevitably affect her life as a couple in negative feelings: shame, guilt, loss of self-esteem, depression, arguments...

Post-coital dysphoria , also called the "sex blues" , is a fairly common phenomenon that transports the woman into an almost depressive state after the act of love. Good news: research shows that there is no real link between the level of sexual satisfaction and the intensity of post-coital depression. This feeling of sadness, melancholy, anxiety and/or irritability is more likely due to a hormonal imbalance. Did you know ? According to a study from the Journal of Sexual Medicine , 46% of women experience post-coital dysphoria . To make matters worse, because of the pandemic, we were in the middle of the sex blues in 2020. It is however a normal reaction, disturbing of course but certainly not unhealthy and rather a ricochet “after the fact”. Do you cry after having sex? It's an unfair return of frustration, of a moment perhaps badly lived but it's not the end of the world. Do not neglect, however, this post-coital emotion which intertwines melancholy and anxiety. This emotion concerns your partner just as much, do not hesitate to discuss it both and to get closer if you wish to a sex therapist. Keep in mind that there is always somewhere a happy solution to any major problem of love that grieves, of course on condition that we make the necessary efforts together.

THE FEAR OF ENJOYING AND THE FEAR OF NOT ENJOYING: RELEASE THE BRAKES

How frustrating when the sexual relationship you just had with your current partner didn't go all the way to your desires and expectations. As a human being, weakened by your natural vulnerability and overwhelmed by your sensitivity, you take the brunt of this failure, which is not entirely your fault. In silence and because you are afraid of losing the partner you love, you intensely and painfully experience a feeling of injustice, of selfish abandonment on his part; negative emotions overwhelm you and go far beyond the act of love itself. The fear in the couple of not being filled with love, of not being completely fulfilled is not fictitious, it is omnipresent and vicious.

According to an IFOP study , 35% of French women feel sexually satisfied . This fear, even if it has nothing pathological to begin with, is very real and insistent: a lot of women unfortunately have the sad experience of it, not depriving themselves of reproaching their partners for caresses that are far too brief. In heterosexuality, there seems to be only one form of sexual intercourse: that which systematically leads to a phase of penetration and which ends when Mr. ejaculates. The male orgasm should no longer be considered the absolute high point of straight sex. Men should be taught to be less self-centered and to care about the pleasure of their partners.

To prevent frustration from turning into argument and misunderstandings, it is recommended to discuss it with your partner. On a purely physical level, the stakes are high: the anxiety of not seeing yourself go fully to the end of pleasure can oppress you, demotivate you, demoralize you. You must therefore act gently, communicate with great tact, without rushing the partner. Do nothing in a hurry, give time to time and love; ask him gently and without aggression to listen to you. Why not try introducing a sex toy into your relationship or start looking for new sources of pleasure ? There is nothing to fear in this step on your part; on the contrary, you learn to do good to each other. This back and forth in the dialogue will only be more constructive. So don't let silence settle in and dissatisfaction eat away at your existence as a frustrated woman and man. The liberation of speech will bring back mutual trust and benevolence from one to the other.

Among the barriers to orgasm, the fear of enjoying is perhaps the one we talk about the least because it is out of step with this hypersexualized society. However, letting yourself go to orgasm takes a lot of courage. The orgasm in addition to its explosion of pleasure is also a moment of letting go. Squirting offers a pleasant feeling of ecstasy, but it requires a lot of self-confidence . It's not always easy to know how we're going to react and it's kind of freaking out in this world where we're in hyper-self-control. To let yourself go to orgasm, you have to be able to surrender to your feelings, be ready to discover new sensations, to get rid of your guilt, to live this state of intoxication far from the control concerned about your image too rigid, too rigid.

DARE TO LET GO, TO ENJOY WITHOUT HINDRANCE

"Letting go is accepting your own limits, it's stopping fighting at the expense of your balance, your integrity and your freedom." Nathalie Dinh.

Making love is a loving and warm competition, far from the confrontation between the ropes of a boxing ring which demands the knockout of one of the two actors. The fear of unsatisfied sexual desire, this frustration hovers slyly above lovemaking like an ominous bird waiting for its prey. It's unfortunate to have to make this observation but it's the reality of sex on its playground.

This irrational fear of failure, it is high time to drive it out of your brain. The physical and psychological consequences of the fear of doing wrong or not giving enough are too devastating to ignore. This tough battle is won brilliantly when the desire to let go prevails over the search for performance , competitiveness and comparison. There is therefore no need to want to control everything in bed or elsewhere: no longer waste your time looking for a blue pill to play extra time, but take a step back to channel your energy, to control your pleasure, and above all let go in the present moment . By reconnecting to your own body , gaining self-confidence , you will easily find the right key to open the doors of pleasure.

In this state of mind so positive and without pressure, you will benefit from an airlock of relaxation and almost immediate security which will evacuate your strongest tensions, your stresses and will free you from your too negative anxieties. The letting go that you impose on yourself in full agreement with yourself requires serenity and peace of mind and it must in no case come to upset your emotional state which is strongly put to work. Bolster your own self-confidence and fully trust your partner . Also learn not to be dependent on others. In the romantic relationships that come to brighten up this disconcerting world of the 21st century, learning to let go, knowing how to do it at the right time, is a wise choice , of paramount and vital importance. There is nothing very rational in love: “The heart has its reasons which reason does not know”.

Our valuable advice:

Keep your cool and your free will but do not impose anything, propose, suggest .
The magic of orgasm comes from sharing this physical pleasure that is sex: nothing is more pleasurable than enjoying with another. To really hear and appreciate this symphony of orgasm and love, you still have to listen to it together . It is an affective and magnificent experience of the senses which is not the sole initiative of a single partner, the other partner must participate fully in its own way in its accomplishment.

From the fantasy of the XXL penis to the obligation to satisfy one's partner at all costs, this image of the man presented is added and it's a mistake like a sex machine, a tireless stallion. This media and social pressure reinforces men's erroneous beliefs about their own sexuality and increases their very real anxieties all the more. Result: a reductive sexuality with often disastrous consequences. The solution for all those who doubt, who have the impression of not "ensure", does not reside in any little miracle pill. It is by freeing themselves from the obligation to be technically infallible, by ceasing to be "phallocentric", that men will be able, without fear, to access the true dimension of sexuality. A human sexuality with infinite and shared pleasures , one that makes sexual encounters no longer a martial journey, but a place of sharing and exchange .

Do you think you've been a premature ejaculator since your last love affair? Do you think you have erectile dysfunction since last night's blackout? For the problem to be confirmed, it is necessary that the erections are systematically unstable (or absent) and that the sexual intercourse systematically lasts less than one minute. If you don't, release the pressure . You are not isolated in these sexual difficulties and if there was ever a first in this area, you will never be the last.

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OUR TIPS TO VIBRATE WITH PLEASURE IN TUNE WITH YOUR BODY

Respect in all its forms, respect and self-esteem, respect for others is the fundamental foundation that protects and seals the harmony and bond of the couple in the long term. When this state of mind is exemplary, it proves to be unstoppable and a source of promising future. This is the perfect time to give your body all the well-being and comfort it demands : trust our high-quality intimate cosmetics made in France and turn your back on the products made in China that still flood today. today in a very negative way the sexual well-being market. Give preference to our intimate lubricants , our orgasmic gels and our pleasure extenders . Our intimate toys , adapted to your most daring desires, will know how to be discreet and in contact with your lips and your vagina, real allies. Open your body and your heart wide to the naughty games you love. Revisit the Kamasutra and its positions that are dear to you, solo then in pairs: spoons and their cuddly variants? Trust them, they have more than one trick up their sleeves.

Are you suspected of being an epicurean at heart that you are fed up with hasty sex and that you want to prolong this state of delicious well-being that love provides for much longer? Do you like to caress and be caressed a lot while making love? Why not pamper yourself with our caress pen . So make love in a tender version since you feel like it and let your hands wander where they want. A little or a lot of slow-sex is therefore a natural choice. Would you be even more fusional? For sure...

Do you prefer strong love relationships ? Dare BDSM to help you let go: we wrote a very informative article to read on our blog dedicated to the art of loving.

You have never enjoyed or too little ? Unite with yourself and train instead of giving up and giving up on helplessness. Your partner is not totally responsible for your pleasure, never forget that. Isn't the important thing to participate, as Pierre de Coubertin said so well in his day?

It's up to you to find the right balance so as not to lose your freedom . It's up to you to fully accept your limits. Make way for letting go, which is by far the best way to finally live in peace. You don't depend on anyone except yourself. Only happiness in your future romantic relationships, and beautiful emotions in perspective.

Enjoying and making people enjoy is not an imperative, it's just great. Today, we simply say stop to the unspeakable obstacles to pleasure. We are all determined to whistle the end of a very long game against our blockages greatly distorted by absurd myths. Let's forget the injunctions of our Western sexuality. It's up to us to say no to the decline in our libido and to launch the invitation to make love in complete freedom and without pressure. It's up to us to break the chains of things left unsaid in an outdated education, to say stop to competitiveness, so many obstacles that curb our wildest desires and spoil our most legitimate pleasures. Let us fearlessly hold out our arms to a libertarian libido with a rather light eros, not at all excessive to avoid any unfortunate sexual excesses, and which would ultimately be our permanent mirror of a lasting and shared love: a new sexuality in a way, free, joyful, peaceful.

In this quest for orgasm, wouldn't there be another less mechanical approach to consider, even more liberating of body and speech, resulting from a total fusion of one with the other? If this is the case, this erotic, solar, will contribute one day, it is certain, to the full and complete success of a more fluid sexuality where everyone can rejoice in the eternal and shared orgasm. A great challenge to take up. It's up to you to be positive, to let go and to participate fully in this sexual r(evolution).