No one comes out of their childhood unscathed. Every human being who has become an adult was first a curious child then a teenager in search of identity. And yet, there is no question of going to tell mom and dad anything about his sexual orientation or these intimate practices. Nor the positive, with his joyful nocturnal outings with friends and girlfriends. Nor the negative, his ignored aggressions or these hormonal changes that appear during puberty. The parents themselves are careful not to discuss all these hot sex stories with their offspring! Wouldn't it be high time to definitively break this omerta still so heavy between parents and children to make this silence a space for dialogue and exchange in order to offer the youngest the bases and the foundations necessary for their development in love and sexual?
The sexuality of the child explained to the parents.
Our suspicious adult gaze has too long led people to believe that the libido, sex, the pleasure of the senses was something impossible before sexual majority. And yet The sexuality of the human being is built very early from the first months of his life and it is this which will allow the child, step by step, to structure his own personality patiently. So, you, the parents always on the alert, it is likely that you may have to review your strategy as chief educators in the always somewhat complicated relationships between adults on one side and children and adolescents on the other. the other.
From the first months of his birth, your newborn will start his young life without warning to better discover the world you have given him. From successive phases to phases that belong only to him, your child will build and structure himself in secret, and without you noticing it, his future sexuality as a teenager and then as a young adult. For both of you, parents or for you, single parent, if the vagaries of life have decided otherwise, contact with your baby and silent exchange will be of capital importance: contact with the skin through caresses and hugs, or simply breastfeeding. It's up to you to let it discover itself and without constraints.
Suspect this fiddling with sex when you give him his bath and which brings him his first erections? Nothing incongruous however, that's life. It's neither dirty nor bad, it's useless to make him feel guilty or to slow him down in his exploration. A few explanations are enough to indicate to him the rules of good conduct concerning the discovery of his intimacy. The toddler has grown up and it's a great time for the child he has become. No need for you parents to put up new barriers. The thumb is far away and the body changes, it's a bit like the golden age of childhood where the boys are surprised to have a different penis from that of their friends and where the girls begin to see little pointing little by little their breasts.
Childhood always has an end and it deserves to be as happy as possible before entering the wild dance of adolescence. The zizi and the zigounette of the time of the Kindergarten, are distant memories and there is no longer any question of procrastinating. Codes of conduct are no longer enough and the real things of sex must be said gently and with respect.
How to talk about sexuality with your child?
Real conversations and no pretense, these are what awaits parents one day or another when faced with their children in search of information on sex.
In the event of failure on your part or absence in communication, it is no longer the playground or the sex education classes of the school but the dark corridors of the college which will take over as the privileged places of info.
If you don't feel comfortable with these questions, why not provide the answers through a book left carelessly in the toilet. We recommend the sexual penis guide written by Hélène Bruller and illustrated by Zep the designer of Titeuf. You can also find Julia Pietri 's little guide to sexual pussy in bookstores, which addresses many questions about intimacy, nudity, self-esteem or puberty.
These books for the youngest respond with simple words to all the questions that children ask about the discovery of love and sex.
At this age, the imagination of the almost adolescent child, without being overflowing, is not idle and it is sufficiently developed for you to kindly put in words and explanations that are not too restrictive. The little sister's diaper change, the kiss exchanged on the corner of the lips by mum and dad, the arrival of a new born, divorce or marriage can be opportunities to simply approach sexuality and affectivity with your child. Your choice of saying, your way of doing it will be all the more judicious if you have given him the answers he was hoping for. So be frank, honest and give him answers that are up to the challenge. Listen to their questions and create a climate of trust without judgment
No need to talk about sexual anatomy to your 15-year-old teenager, the mass is said! The sensational arrival of the Internet in 1983 did not scramble the cards, it completely redistributed them and the assessment today is clear: what the teenager cannot find at home, he will look for it on his pc! The Internet can very quickly become a vehicle of negative or even dangerous information if the close parental guard is not careful. So, you might as well smash this so-called quietly established rule “not to talk about sex at home” now!
One of two things now: either the information comes from the parents (and this is still far from being the case today) or your teenager manages on his own. Teenagers can easily find information on forums, except on porn sites which pollute the web by conveying without apparent embarrassment and sometimes involuntarily obscene and violent scenes which have no place and which highlight before a lot of disrespect for the female sex and a lot of disguised barbarism.
Wake up, you parents who adore your children. Talking to your teenagers about sexuality is quite different from having to talk about your own. The misunderstanding is huge and tenacious, the family legacy deadly. Teenagers don't care about how their parents make love, what they just want is the right information and nothing else.
Mom and Dad are in great danger today and will be inexorably cut off from their children if they quickly delegate to the Internet and social networks their thankless but essential role as indispensable informants for their offspring. It is indeed on the Web (with the added bonus of its “porn” excesses) that young people will increasingly seek the information they so badly need and which they hardly find in the family circle, for lack of faulty communication. .
The mass is said, the pornographer seems inevitable for your children but rest assured it is not always bad since it allows on the other hand to open the dialogue and the communication. So stay vigilant and prevent your child from viewing violent content. Whether voluntary or not, out of curiosity or for fun, it is even more appropriate now to support your child in their digital uses. For this, check the settings and controls on the platforms, stay calm and honestly discuss why he visited this content. If you want help, the government has developed a web portal "to better protect their children against online pornography", a phenomenon that concerns an alarming proportion of young minors. Did you know :
- 44% of young people who have already had sexual intercourse say they have tried to reproduce scenes or practices seen in pornographic films or videos. Source: IFOP for the Parenting and Digital Education Observatory published in 2017
- On average, it is at the age of 11 that a child watches a pornographic scene for the first time. Source: Based on an Opinion-Way survey
Moreover, the increasingly easy access to social networks such as Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, but also the favorites of our toddlers, Tiktok and Snapchat, openly exposes them to all the dangers in their desires to communicate and to share.
Spreading your sexuality to all winds, showing your body or even confronting it with others is perhaps not the best path to take if the security barriers are not in place! As far as teenagers and no longer seniors who have started a life as a couple are concerned, there is still time on the parental side to stay tuned. Don't let pornography and digital dirty pollute the sex life of our youth, it deserves much better. At this age of life, clear and not ambiguous answers must be given to teenagers in search of their own sexuality. This sex education must be done quietly “at home” in perfect conjunction with that which every child benefits from today within the framework of education dispatched by National Education.
8 things to remember to properly prepare your child's sex education
Photos by @bess-hamiti-83687
- Dare to talk about sexuality or affectivity with your child. It is important for his personal development.
- Be attentive to his questions as he develops, give him information adapted to his age.
- Make him aware of the risks of sexual assault and the forms of sexual abuse. Prevention is better than cure.
- Inform him about the importance of contraception, and discuss disease prevention together (STDs, AIDS).
- Explain to HIM the concepts of sexual consent. A NO is a NO.
- Teach him the rules of caution (transmission of naked photos, distribution of images without the knowledge, sharing of personal details, use of social networks)
- If exposure to pornography is inevitable, remain vigilant in the face of new digital practices and give it a framework.
The children of today or the teenagers of tomorrow no longer want to face the clichés or the peremptory speeches that unduly impose sexual norms that come out of nowhere. On the contrary, they are looking for answers to live a totally uninhibited sexuality that ensures them the best connection with the desires and desires of their age.