It is clear that the encounter with orgasm is sometimes more complicated than it seems! See extremely rare or non-existent for some. The person to incriminate? Neither you nor him, rather the anxiety that sticks to our skin, the worst enemy of our sexuality that we would like to be happy, accomplice, always at the top and above all not in decline. Sex is meant to be a moment of relaxation and pleasure, far from the pangs of doubt, the cult of performance and sexual anxieties. Overhanging, the stress of everyday life, the stubbornness for orgasm, the monotony, the lack of letting go... All these obstacles to pleasure spoil their beautiful bond within the couple, however solid it may be. she asserts herself. Up in the head as below!

Pleasure cannot be reduced to an orgasm which itself should not be systematic, let it be said loud and clear. Heat strokes like cold sweats under the duvet or elsewhere are the conductors of our love life. In the love of football as in the love of sex, the victory of a strong moment, of a day or a night is exquisite because it is very far from the egos of each of the actors. So what does the defeat, the clumsiness or the temporary failure that comes from time to time upset our chilled lovers matter? Love is not a racetrack.

The culture of performing sex? However, there is no record to beat.

Since the 1980s, the cult of performance has insidiously invaded the most intimate spheres of our daily lives, but it is a gross human error to want both men and women to present themselves at all costs "well under all reports” or let’s say “always on top” . Since our sexuality is in the hot seat, we might as well clarify things: we impose on ourselves a quite offbeat posture on the penis side and we give ourselves a rather distressing dominant male stature. It's not much better on the women's side, where they attribute to themselves the excessive ambition of becoming, as a symbol, the exceptional lover, the good shot, the manhunter or the famous squirting woman.

Wanting to be on top wherever it smells of sex is sure to fail!

Photo by @angela-roma

We therefore live a priori in the dictatorship of the injunction and the search for performance dear readers?

To be happy only in victory, to pretend like lying poker with the formal prohibition of failing, of having doubts, of making mistakes, of doing wrong?

Let's go! Devaluing this masquerade: you have the right to speak and have as many tries as you wish..

To our young and our less young, let's not give even a passing ticket to filthy pornography and its cohort of sex experts.

These images of huge sexes, these endless bestial scenes, are nothing but lies that shamelessly permeate the image we have of a good fuck. Let's not trivialize the danger of skids and drifts and let's fully protect our feelings of the heart which deserve the greatest respect.

Playing at making love with another is not technical, it is above all sincerity, desire and spontaneity. Let's not become budding schizophrenics out of ignorance or selfishness: we will never be robots, sworn enemies of the personal fulfillment that we claim.

Sex, love remain for men as for women an exceptional alchemy which keeps all its mystery and this is indeed the best news in a world which too often turns its head upside down.

Say "No" to sexual performance for a "Yes" to the harmonious connection of bodies!

Sexual performance is automatically to be excluded from the debate! She has no place! The search for pleasure and orgasm is perfectly natural and human and it is your legitimate right to want to give and to love to receive.

The desire to perform and get off is an extraordinarily beautiful feeling in all its diversity: men and women are stage beasts when they are on the theater stage and they are just as much so when they want to make love. There is no point, however, in pointing fingers at each of their performances, good or bad, to demonize their craziest desires and their most varied libidos, which come under strict intimacy!

A single joyful certainty for all: there is not just one and the same pleasure! Through the clitoris , the labia, the strategic G -spot, through the breasts or the anus, the crown of the penis or the prostate , orgasm is combined with a multitude of genres even if the palm of shared pleasure goes hands down to clitoris, the “Superstar of the erogenous zones”. Let it be said loud and clear in both the feminine and the masculine: All the ingredients are there to transform the feelings of the heart and the body into a joyful tactile sarabande! YESforLOV erotic products are at your fingertips and our sexologist Myriam is at your service. Your pessimism and your anxieties really have no place.

Sex blues, dyspareunia and libido at half mast: rest assured everything is repairable!

Don't panic aboard the vessel of love!!

Regular or irregular declines in libido , more or less frequent depending on the individual and which disturb the good harmony of sexuality are perfectly repairable as long as we take serious care of their fate! Sooner or later, the routine settles in the couple and the libido takes a big hit. Our wise advice: Stay attentive and continue to maintain an eroticism for each other in the complicity and reciprocity of desires.

The decrease in sexual desire can also be explained by sexual pain . The woman is very often the first victim of intimate discomfort . For some women, the pain during penetration can be unbearable, but often they keep it quiet when they should say it loud and clear. A great danger then floats, poisoning the atmosphere and the inner feeling; In the long term, the phobia of withdrawal or even refusal towards anything that will be “sex” will probably rule the roost and that's a shame!

When intimate discomfort or dyspareunia sets in, it often requires a combination of physical and psychotherapeutic treatments. it is therefore essential and recommended to use a quality intimate lubricating gel to bring comfort and soothe the sensations of intimate heating. Dyspareunia can prevent women from enjoying and taking pleasure. For fear of feeling pain, the woman will contract her vaginal muscles. This apprehension of pain can extinguish all desire and reduce the level of arousal to ashes. From the relational point of view, if the woman with dyspareunia does not dare to talk about it to her partner, she will often try to avoid intimate relations, which will inevitably affect her life as a couple in negative feelings: shame, guilt, loss of self-esteem, depression, arguments...

A great danger also hangs over us: post-coital dysphoria , also called the “sex blues” . It is a fairly common phenomenon that transports the woman into an almost depressive state after the act of love. Good news: research shows that there is no real link between the level of sexual satisfaction and the intensity of post-coital depression! This feeling of sadness, melancholy, anxiety and/or irritability is more likely due to a hormonal imbalance. A nice and teasing nod to all these performers who now feel reassured.

Did you know ? According to a study from the Journal of Sexual Medicine , 46% of women experience post-coital dysphoria. To make matters worse, because of the pandemic, we were in the middle of the sex blues in 2020! It is however a normal reaction, disturbing obviously but certainly not unhealthy and rather a not very cheerful ricochet “after the fact”. Do you cry after having sex? So what? It's an unfair return of frustration, of a moment perhaps badly lived but it's not the end of the world! Do not neglect, however, this accursed post-coital blueprint which mixes melancholy and anxiety: it is a shame indeed to feel irritable or aggressive after having made love! This cockroach is harmful for you of course but it concerns your partner just as much. Do not hesitate to discuss it both and to get closer if you wish to a sex therapist. Keep in mind that there is always somewhere a happy solution to this or that major problem of love that saddens and this is obviously subject to making the necessary efforts together.

The fear of enjoying and the fear of not enjoying: let go of the brakes!

Photo by @markusspiske

How frustrating for you, ladies and gentlemen, when the sexual relationship you have just had with your current partner has not gone all the way to your desires and expectations! As a human being, weakened by your natural vulnerability and overwhelmed by your sensitivity, you take the brunt of this failure, which is not entirely your fault! In silence and because you are afraid of losing the partner you love, you intensely and painfully experience a feeling of injustice, of selfish abandonment on his part; negative emotions overwhelm you and go far beyond the act of love itself. Rightly so, you feel frustrated!

The fear in the couple of not being full of love, of not being completely fulfilled is not fictitious, it is omnipresent and vicious: temporary in man in his natural selfishness, it becomes painful, tiresome, chronic in the long run for women.

According to an IFOP study , only 35% of French women feel sexually satisfied . A percentage that should raise a lot of questions within our male or female sex, right? This fear, even if it has nothing pathological to begin with, is very real and insistent: a lot of women unfortunately have the sad experience of it, not depriving themselves of reproaching their partners for caresses that are far too brief. In the country of heterosexuals, there seems to be only one form of sexual intercourse: the one which systematically leads to a phase of penetration and which ends when the gentleman ejaculates. The male orgasm should no longer be considered the absolute high point of straight sex. Men should be taught to be less self-centered and to care about the pleasure of their partners.

To prevent frustration from turning into anger, it is recommended to discuss it with your partner, to put under the sheets your narcissism and to go beyond your fears. On a purely physical level, the stakes are high: the anxiety of not seeing yourself go fully to the end of pleasure can oppress you, demotivate you, demoralize you. You must therefore act gently, communicate with a lot of tac, without rushing the partner. Do nothing in a hurry, give time to the time of love; ask him gently and without aggression to listen to you. Why not try introducing a sex toy into your relationship or start looking for new sources of pleasure ? There is nothing to fear in this step on your part; on the contrary, you learn to do good to each other. This back and forth in the dialogue will only be more constructive! So don't let silence settle in and dissatisfaction eat away at your existence as a frustrated woman and man. The liberation of speech will bring back mutual trust and benevolence from one to the other.

Among the barriers to orgasm, the fear of enjoying is perhaps the one we talk about the least because it may be out of step with this hypersexualized society. However, letting go to orgasm takes a lot of courage. The orgasm in addition to its explosion of pleasure is also a moment of letting go. Squirting offers a pleasant feeling of ecstasy, but it requires a lot of self-confidence . It's not always easy to know how we're going to react and it's kind of freaking out in this world where we're in hyper-self-control. To let yourself go to orgasm, you have to be able to surrender to your feelings, be ready to discover new sensations, to get rid of your guilt, to live this state of intoxication far from the control concerned about your image too rigid, too fixed.

Dare to let go to enjoy without hindrance!

Def: "letting go is accepting your own limits, it's stopping fighting to the detriment of your balance, your integrity and your freedom" - (Nathalie Dinh)

Making love is a loving and warm competition , far from the confrontation between the ropes of a boxing ring which calls for the dirty ko of one of the two actors! The fear of unsatisfied sexual desire , this frustration hovers slyly above lovemaking like an ominous bird watching for its prey. It's unfortunate to have to make this observation too often, but it's the reality of sex on its playground.

This irrational fear of failure, it is high time to drive it out of your sad brain! The physical and psychological consequences of the fear of doing wrong or of not giving enough are too devastating to ignore. This tough battle is won brilliantly when the desire to let go prevails over the search for performance, competitiveness and comparison. There is therefore no need to want to control everything in bed or elsewhere: no longer waste your time looking for a blue pill to play extra time, but take a step back to channel your energy, to control your pleasure, and above all, let go in the present moment. ! By reconnecting with your own body, gaining self-confidence, you will easily find the right key to open the doors of pleasure.

In this state of mind so positive and without pressure, you will benefit from an airlock of relaxation and almost immediate security which will immediately evacuate your most intense tensions, your stresses and will free you from your too negative anxieties. The letting go that you impose on yourself in full agreement with yourself requires serenity and peace of mind and it must in no case come to upset your emotional state which is strongly put to work. To throw to the nettles: unhealthy jealousy, anger, lack of confidence in oneself and in the other! Bolster your own self-confidence and trust your partner fully. Also learn not to be dependent on others! In the romantic relationships that brighten up this confusing 21st century world, learning to let go , knowing how to let go, knowing how to let it go at the right time is a wise choice, of paramount and vital importance for all of you. There is nothing very rational in love. I'm not telling you anything: "the heart has its reasons that reason does not know"!

Our precious advice: keep your cool and your free will but do not impose anything, propose, suggest! The magic of orgasm comes from sharing this physical pleasure that is sex: nothing is more pleasurable than enjoying with another! To really hear and appreciate this symphony of orgasm and love, you still have to listen to it together! For you beautiful ladies motivated as ever, it is quite obvious that not reaching orgasm is particularly distressing and frustrating! It is an affective and magnificent experience of the senses which is not the sole initiative of the woman, the man must participate fully in his own way in its accomplishment but it is clear that he sometimes does not care!

From the fantasy of the XXL penis to the obligation to satisfy one's partner at all costs, this image of the man presented is added and it's a mistake like a sex machine , a tireless stallion. This media and social pressure reinforces men's erroneous beliefs about their own sexuality and increases their very real anxieties all the more. Result: a reductive sexuality with often disastrous consequences. The solution for all those who doubt, who have the impression of not "ensure", does not reside in any little miracle pill. It is by freeing themselves from the obligation to be technically infallible, by ceasing to be "phallocentric", that men will be able, without fear, to access the true dimension of sexuality. A human sexuality with infinite and shared pleasures, one that makes sexual encounters no longer a martial journey, but a place of sharing and exchange.

Did you know ? Do you think you've been a premature ejaculator since your last love affair? Do you think you have erectile dysfunction since last night's blackout? For the problem to be confirmed, it is necessary that the erections are systematically unstable (or absent) and that the sexual intercourse systematically lasts less than one minute. If this is not your case, please gentlemen, release the pressure! you are not isolated in these sexual difficulties and if there was ever a first in this field, you will never be the last. Such is life !

Sound advice from YESforLOV to vibrate with pleasure in tune with your body.

Respect in all its forms, respect and self-esteem, respect for others is the fundamental foundation that protects and seals the harmony and bond of the couple in the long term. When this state of mind is exemplary, it proves to be unstoppable and a source of promising future. This is the perfect time to give your body all the well-being and comfort it demands: trust our high-quality intimate cosmetics made in France and turn your back on the chinoiseries that still flood negative way the market for sexual well-being. Give preference to our intimate lubricants , our orgasmic gels and our pleasure extenders !

Our intimate toys are waiting for you impatiently: adapted to your most daring desires, they will know how to be discreet and in contact with your lips and your vagina, weighty allies! Open your body and your heart wide to the naughty games you love! Revisit the Kamasutra and its positions that are dear to you, solo then in pairs: the spoons and its cuddly variants? Trust them, they have more than one trick... up their sleeves!

Are you suspected of being epicureans at heart that you are fed up with hasty sex and that you want to prolong this state of delicious well-being that love provides for much longer? It's perfect ! Do you like to caress and be caressed a lot while making love? Never mind, why not pamper yourself with our caress pen ! So make love in a tender version since you feel like it and let your hands wander where they want! A little or a lot of slow-sex is therefore a natural choice. Would you be even more fusional? For sure …

Do you prefer strong love relationships? Dare BDSM to help you let go: we wrote a very informative article to read on our blog dedicated to the art of loving.

You have never enjoyed or too little? Unite with yourself and train instead of giving up and giving it all up as helplessness! Your partner is not totally responsible for your pleasure, never forget that. Isn't the important thing to participate, as Pierre de Coubertin said so well in his day?

It's up to you ladies to find the right balance so as not to lose your freedom! It's up to you gentlemen to fully accept your limits. Make way for letting go which is by far the best way to finally live in peace! You don't depend on anyone except yourself! Only happiness is the key in your future romantic relationships! And beautiful emotions in perspective.

Enjoying and making people enjoy is not an imperative, it's just great. Today, we simply say stop to the unspeakable obstacles to pleasure! We are all determined to whistle the end of a very long game against our blockages greatly distorted by absurd myths. Let's throw once and for all and without qualms into the devilish flames of hell and nothingness, our Western sexuality! It's up to us to say no to the killing of our libido and immediately launch the invitation to make love in complete freedom and without pressure. It's up to us to break the chains of the unspoken of an outdated education, to say stop to competitiveness, so many obstacles that eat up our wildest desires and spoil our most legitimate pleasures! Let us reach out without fear to a libertarian libido with a rather light eros, not at all excessive to avoid any unfortunate sexual excesses, and which would ultimately be our permanent mirror of a lasting and shared love: a new sexuality in a way, free, joyful, peaceful.

In this quest for orgasm, wouldn't there be another less mechanical approach to consider, even more liberating of body and speech, resulting from a total fusion of one with the other? If this is the case, this erotic, solar, will contribute one day, it is certain, to the full and complete success of a more fluid sexuality where everyone can rejoice in the eternal and shared orgasm. A great challenge to take up!

It's up to you, dear readers, to be positive, to let go and to participate fully in this sexual r(evolution).